Nasty Business

I had been watching this situation unfold with increasing anger and sadness, but this post simply left me lost for words. I was talking to someone about it the other weekend and his summing-up was short and to the point:

“Aye, nasty business.”

He had no more to say, and I dont think he needed to. The second outing of an event in only a couple of months changes the landscape of the Manchester BDSM scene. These things are supposed to be occasional acts of spite and bile, not the day-to-day running of things. I think, optimist that I am, that most people on the Manchester scene are good peeps who just wanna have fun. Some people do that at the expense of the fun of others, but thats for another blog. Whatever our opinion of each other, the events in the calendar are there for us to enjoy, or not. We are in danger of that calendar becoming a turf war of cliques and alliances, forged by people who have seen Twilight too many times (in other words, theyve seen it full stop (; ).

Outings are nearly always condemned by everyone, as well they should be. Sarah Kane and serena are 2 lovely people, and deserve none of the misery this person has dumped on their doorstep. They certainly dont deserve someone who had a previous interest in the venue, and is obviously unhappy about losing her personal playground, struggling to contain her glee at what has happened. It’s like a bad episode of Eastenders, all we need now is some scary bald bloke to burn the building dahn, and I can cancel my TV License…

The previous proprietor of this 'ere establishment, yesterday

When this happens, whoever it happens to, you give your support. Thats especially true if it has happened to you in the past. Its even truer when people start throwing your name around as a suspect, and you answer that a little better than “I have an alibi, and you dont have any evidence.” You dont take joy in the idea that they will have to pay rates, insurance and taxes that you didnt bother to pay when you were using the venue for exactly what youre criticising them for trying to use the place for. A few people have said to me that if I dont have anything nice to say, I should say nothing. Compared with me, some people need that saying tattooed to the inside of their eyelids.

The saddest thing is, whoever is doing this, if they are doing it to make their own event more popular it will have the opposite effect. 2 outings in such a short time has made a lot of pervs very nervous, if what I hear is to be believed. Far from making people gravitate to one particular venue, it is making them wonder whose next. It doesnt bother me, and my social secretary and I hope to make use of this fantastic venue for new years eve. To quote myself, from 10 Things the Manchester Scene Needs Right Now:

1. UNITY. Ask anyone who visits our fair city from elsewhere, and they will quickly tell you how fractious the scene is here, compared with other places. There are too many colors nailed to too many masts, and no event can command the support of the entire Manchester fet scene. Dont go to events you dont like, but dont avoid an event because you are trying to support a different cabal to the one that organises it.

Theres a reason why thats the first one on the list. Kink clubs are no longer dodgy underground gangster hangouts (were they ever?) and its high time some of the people who run them realised that.

Anyway enough of this, I have a Christmas Market to go and pour money into. (:

Shameful

It was with disgust that I read this post on IC today:

http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/286711

I have now had a few emails asking the same question – ‘was it you?’ Well to save me replying to all of you, of course it fracking wasnt. First of all, Manchester has one of the most laid back police forces in the country. They dont want to waste their time with “nice” pervs when they could be catching the kind of people we would all like to see become The Bitch of B Wing. Even if they werent, I wouldnt try to fill a BDSM club with boys-in-blue when I plan to be there myself! I’m too beautiful for the cells! I am a life-long anarchist (it sounds better than “hairy lefty” (; ) and I keep my dealings with The Man to a minimum, He has nothing I want.

But most of all, and it saddens me that I have to point this out: I just wouldnt ever DO something like that. Its lower than low, and does nothing for our scene. I have said before how much I want us to have more clubs in Manchester, and now the manchester dungeon and the Barn are no longer available to us, we need to support the clubs we have.

Just to clear something up, I dont hate Dystopia. I wouldnt go if I did. I dont like some of the people it attracts, but I reserve my right to have a quiet giggle at their pomposity and let them get on with it. I just wish they were as willing to leave me alone as well. Some people like to think that I criticise it just for fun, when all I have done is say what several were thinking, but didnt want to say for fear of breaking the national circle-jerk and being the odd-one-out. I will continue to do that, for all aspects of the Manchester scene, because if nobody says anything, how can any event improve? The difference between the first and second Dystopias proves that. I wonder if I had wrote a review (sorry Miss D, I dont review everywhere I go, and you seem upset enough by thinking Dystopia gets some kind of special attention from me (; ) and said the play area was good but a bit crowded, would it be taken as helpful feedback? I don’t think it would. And that is down to how other people read my opinions, not how I write them. But I digress.

Whoever you are that did this, you are a cunt. I hate that word, but you have brought it out of me. And if I find out who you are, remember there is no a.u.p. over on this blog. I would move if I were you, because youre not wanted around here and you never will be.

Outfit chosen, bought, and put on…

…and all in about 20 minutes. And youll never guess either. Beat that you posy fuckers, see you in a bit. (;

Still here (;

This will be brief.

Some of you have been wondering where I have disappeared to. I am still alive, just been on a fracking brilliant holiday that left me more tired than I was before I went! I am still here and still getting out and about, listening to the gossip as and when it comes. Some of it is even about me these days – and people suggest that I am a crank with too much time on my hands! Sheesh.

Well there has been plenty going on lately. The manchester munch is as it always was, just somewhere else, but it is a nice place. The manchester dungeon is getting very busy, and thats not a bad thing. Some changes in the running of the under 35s too, which I will watch with interest. (;

Any way, time to get some sleep and see if I can wake myself up enough to get to the Kinky Lounge tonight. Support it people, its a good night!

I take no joy in this blog

But someone has to say what a lot of people are thinking. I havent shyed away from doing that before, so I cant start now when it involves something close to my heart.

The Manchester Munch at Via is a poor imitation of its former self. There I said it.

I have a particular love for this munch, as it was my first foray into the world of kink, and I have a lot to be thankful for because of that. But that munch I first nervously poked my head around the door of is not the same one that I have been to recently, or that others have told me about.

The problem isnt Via, and the forthcoming ‘big announcement’, which is undoubtedly a change of venue, wont make a difference. The problem isnt the people, they are still the same cross section of the scene that you always get, and it is free of ‘hardcore kinksters’ as they are all still sleeping off their coke withdrawals from Lash the night before. The problem that I am seeing again and again, the problem which is brought up by almost everyone who refuses to go any more, is the way people are made to feel when they go.

There is an increasing trend of  ‘having a quiet word’ with people who dont match up to the lofty standards of one of Britains oldest munches. People have been made to feel talked down to, excluded, and downright humiliated in some cases. Complaining about someone wearing a discreet collar, while at the same time ‘demonstrating’ a toy on some pretty young thing at her first munch, IN A PUBLIC BAR, is just not on. Strangely I have yet to see a fat munter get blackboxed at the munch, funny that…

When I was a newby at the Macnhester Munch, I felt welcome, and I felt like I had found somewhere to make friends who were just like me. A lot of new people recently have said to me they left the munch a little confused. The last thing they expected was intense questioning about their interests, along with a quick-fire list of how to do BDSM properly. It has fallen to some of the regulars to welcome these people a little more gently. I am told this resulted in a ‘quiet word’ for at least one of these people.

Anyway, I have decided to make the Fab Munch around the corner my monthly munch of choice from now on. Its friendlier, its nearer to pay day, and its good to have a few beers with some friendly pervs just before my beloved Kage. More importantly, its nice to be left alone by the organisers to do so.

Munchers dont munch for the organisers sake yaknow. I think some people have forgotten that.

Save Our Lounge

It saddens me to hear that the kinktastic Kinky Lounge has suffered a drop in numbers. I hope this is just because of the customary lull in kinksters at events in the summertime, because this is one of the few genuinely play-focused clubs in Manchester at the moment and we need to keep it.

Save Our Lounge

A lot of pervs havent been to Liasons where the Kinky Lounge is held. And the most common excuse I hear is “Its too difficult to get to.” If you can get to Bury for the Kage, if you can get to Oldham for Spankabull, and if you can get to south Manchester for Dystopia, you can get to Rochdale for the Lounge. And youre missing out if you dont. Google Maps is your friend:

Look, a rail station and a bus station! Theres parking too!

The top floor of the club has a great dungeon area, one of the best ones I have seen in a swingers club. Might I suggest, a few pictures for the good people of IC might encourage a few more of them to make the journey. The Liasons website only has a couple, but still:

Well worth 8 quid of anyones money. (:

I can’t wait for the next one. Frack it, if nothing else it would help those people who are so obsessed with finding out who I am narrow it down a bit! (; Come one, come all, come as many times as you like. This club deserves to be more than the Manchester scene’s best kept secret.

Hmm, this could work…

I see mistress Julia is planning a Manchester Dungeon Munch. While I did say that we could do with fewer munches, this could be a welcome addition, especially if they have demos. They have had a play munch in Birmingham for some time now, and it has been very popular. I still think the Manchester Dungeon is unsuitable for parties, but it could do very well for an event like this. There are a couple of problems that could arise from having it at a professional dungeon, often the professional side and the social side of BDSM struggle to exist in the same space. There are lots of reasons for that, but thats for another blog.

One thing I hope wont happen, is us being treated to some dumb fuck wandering around naked annoying everyone, copping a feel and treating everyone like fair game. It has happened at things like this before, and the guy was always a client of the host mistress who had paid to come along and be her “thlave for the evening”. Please resist the urge to have clients in at the same time as the munch Julia, it will be a lot better for it. I think thats an issue for any pro dungeon holding an event, since just one paying client makes more money out of the space. But at the same time, the friction between the pro and non-pro dynamics can make an event people dont want to come back to. No-one can afford to lose money these days and I hope that doesnt affect the future of this much needed event. Also being on the first sunday of the month (there’s that first weekend again! Why?!) means it will often be on the weekend following the Kage, but hopefully that wont have too much effect on either of them.

I see a south Manchester munch has been mentioned too, that could work, if Bolton and Oldham can have one I don’t see why they cant do the same elsewhere. I guess it would depend how far south it was, to cover a region that needs a munch, rather than just covering a section of the city which is already catered for by the munches in the city centre. Why not a Stockport munch? Its big enough to have a few pervs living there to support it.

Dystopia – new venue

This is a quick note for anyone who visits here before tonight that is planning to go to Dystopia. The venue has changed and it is now being held at 16 Mauldeth Road, Withington M16 4ND. Its an old conservative (spit) club. No, this isnt a hoax to try and wreck the evening. And no, I didnt have anything to do with the loss of the original venue, so stop emailing to ask if its my doing. Kthanx.

But.

The decrying of those who are understandably a bit miffed at this, has already begun. Apparently we should ‘just be thankful that the organisers have managed to find another venue at short notice’. The things some people will put up with in order to fit in amaze me. Its the fact they have had to find a new venue at short notice that is so annoying in the first place. I have run kinky events myself, and they are a fracking nightmare. This kind of thing happens, so I am sympathetic. But when it happens you give an explanation. No event has a right to exist.

Good events build a relationship with their punters, and relationships need openess and honesty to work – the ‘collective’ are deafeningly silent as to the reason why this has happened. Your punters are not being priveliged with entry, you are asking people to give up their evening and hard earned money to get in, they are customers. You give a reason if you have to put them to ANY inconvenience. People are very forgiving if you just tell them whats wrong. If you dont, they will come up with reasons themselves, several of which have hit my inbox already.

What is it with the first saturday?

The first saturday of the month is a source of constant headaches for my social secretary. Up until recently it was munches, with the FAB, Phoenix and Gentlemen all convening at the same time.Now the Gents has gone quarterly (speaking of which, shouldnt there have been another one by now?) and the FAB has moved to the other end of the month – actually, that would be today. Now. Damn I had better make this quick and scidaddle…

So it looked like my diary troubles were over, then the same weekend filled up with clubs! So now I am torn.

I havent been to Indulgence, but keep meaning to go, this is my favoured destination at the moment. One should always try new things, as Hannibal Lecters dear old mum used to say.

Dystopia – Surprisingly, I would like to go. The first one was exactly that, the first one, and every event can improve on its first showing. I would like to see what has been learned from the first one.

The Kinky Lounge is another club I havent tried yet, I have been to Liaisons before though and its a great place (little tip guys – use some pictures of the play area when promoting it, a lot of people havent seen it and will give it a try if you show them). And only 8 quid too. (: So this is a possible as well.

Agh! Decisions! Thats what you get when you ask for more clubs I suppose. (;

Age

Is age just a number? No, it isnt.

In Manchester, nothing divides the BDSM scene as much as age. Its something we are all guilty of, young and old. But heres the kicker – a good, growing, supportive BDSM community NEEDS some ageism to thrive.

Lets begin with our most conspicuous age group, under 35. I see the idea behind an under 35 munch. Mixing with people your own age is good for you, you have more in common and you feel more comfortable, which is important for a munch as it is the first step for lots of new pervs. Not to mention the host is a sweetheart. (; Theres a lot of debate as to whether this munch is ageist or not – I think it is, but not in the way most people think, and not entirely in a bad way. Its a bit narrow to think that pervs under 35 will only hit it off with other people who are under 35 – the number of munchers with a Daddy waiting at home suggests otherwise. But that places the prejudice with those who are attracted to a U35 event, rather than those who put one on. These same people could go to any munch and meet people intheir own age group, plus a few who arent that they might get on with. I think the prejudice, or rather the naievity, lies in setting the age limit as high as 35. This assumes that a 20 year old is every bit as grown up as a 35 year old, which as much as they may protest, and frack knows I did when I was 20, generally theyre not. The age range is big enough that they will still have the same problem they are holding the munch to avoid. It is unintentional, but it is still making a general assumption about people based on their age.

Where do you set the limit? 30? 25? You have to do it somewhere, and some form of ageism has to play a part in that decision. So for the munch to exist, some non-malicious ageism against the 35+ has to take place. I think people would live with that a lot better if it was applied as enthusiastically to 17 year olds as well…

Another example of benevolent ageism is one I have already touched on. And its one that there is a lot of unrest about, which is understandable, but its one of the more sensible forms of ageism around. People get a bit shirty when it is suggested a younger perv might not be as experienced. To do so is to make an unfair assumption, apparently. I thought it was a case of numbers – if youre 20, you haven’t been on this earth as long as someone who is 30. So its reasonable to assume there are things you havent done yet, that the 30 year old has. This theory is applied in all walks of life, why not BDSM? I think its because some younger pervs come into this scene, which has been altered forever by the internet, believing everything they read and treating it as an instruction manual. Like anything thats new and exciting, they want to go as far as they can, as fast as they can. And most of all, they want to be accepted by their new peers. People engage in BDSM at younger and younger ages these days, so there are lots of people who are more experienced than they appear. But even these people benefit from a scene which is allowed to help them gain knowledge from it.

The point of the BDSM scene, as opposed to just seeking out partners and playing in private, is to share experience and reach new levels with our play. Someone with a wealth of experience in private will still benefit from being open to what others can show you, whether they be young or old. But that wont happen with a baying crowd shouting you down for assuming that because someone is young, they might be more likely to benefit from that. Its not patronising, even though it really sounds like it when youre on the receiving end. Everyone wants to know things, but not everyone wants to learn them.

Likewise, there is a tendency to assume that older pervs have more experience. And there are more than a few guys willng to exploit that. “Oh yes, of course Im experienced. I’m in my mid 40s.” There are 2 reasons for this: 1. the midlife crisis has hit and the amount of girls sceaming “wheres my Daddy” on IC has brought these middle-aged spreaders out of their post-divorce flats, and 2. they actually believe it, because otherwise they might have to accept advice and help from someone younger than them.

So, we’re prejudiced against young, old, experienced, inexperienced, private and public perverts. But thats not necessarily a bad thing. There seems to be 2 camps – those who want age to mean something in the scene, and those who want it to mean nothing at all. Both are wrong, yet both of them are a little right too.