I worry that some people might think that I am just here to complain, and have nothing constructive to say. I have 2 answers to that; 1. I write this blog for my own sake, as a ranting point to get my feelings out into the ether, so some of it is going to be a little hard to read, and 2. Its simply not true, I have plenty of constructive things to say. As my mum said to me – you can cry over spilt milk if you want to, so long as you get a mop and clean it up afterwards, you whining little bitch. She was great, my mum.

So, it may be clear by now that I’m not very satisfied with the current Mancunian kink scene. But I do have some ideas for improving it. So, what I think we need desperately is:

1. UNITY. Ask anyone who visits our fair city from elsewhere, and they will quickly tell you how fractious the scene is here, compared with other places. There are too many colors nailed to too many masts, and no event can command the support of the entire Manchester fet scene. Dont go to events you dont like, but dont avoid an event because you are trying to support a different cabal to the one that organises it.

2. LESS MUNCHES. I know that seems strange, but Bear with me. This kind of relates to point 1, as a lot of the munches are born out of how divided we are. Think about it, do we really NEED munches for particular categories of perv? Munchers talk about anything and everything, vanilla and otherwise. In fact kink hardly ever comes up. How much do the spankos talk about spanking? How much do the under-35s talk about being under 35? Not a great deal. Certainly no more than they could do at an all-comers munch. And they would have the added bonus of meeting more people, and broadening their horizons. I see the point of club nights that are more aimed at some people than others, but a munch is just a pint and a natter. And only having a pint and a natter with people who are just like you is really fracking boring.

Munches are not the mainstay of a BDSM scene, they are the nuts and bolts of getting to know each other. And you should only ever use as many nuts and bolts as necessary.

3. TO DISCOVER THE WORLD OUTSIDE OF LASH. Yes, its the biggest night on the calendar. Yes, I’m sure you love the theme this month. But its not all there is out there. I quite like Lash, I have had some good times there. But if there’s one thing that bugs me, its people that I see there and nowhere else. Give somewhere else a try once in a while, you might like it too. You might not like it if you just go to Lash to get bladdered though – in which case, why don’t you just go on Deansgate? The booze is cheaper and it doesn’t cost 8 quid to get in.

Try one of the other BDSM clubs, just for one night this year. You won’t get barred from Lash if you do.

4. TO GO ON A BURLSEQUE DIET. Burlesque is lots of fun. Its sexy, entertaining and you don’t have to be a stick insect to do it. But burlesque is not BDSM. I think its great to have it once in a while, as an added feature, but we are now at a point where you can go to what you believe is a kinky night, and have a full burlesque revue sprung on you by stealth. I cant help wondering what would happen if you sidled up to one of the performers afterwards and asked for her view on anal fisting. It’s a kink club after all..

Burlesque is great, but its not why we are here.

5. AN ACTIVE ANTI DRUG POLICY. Drugs, the elephant in the room that everyone is trying to ignore. How familiar does this sound – you go the toilet at a club, and there she is, a couple of steps ahead of you. Early 20s, squinty eyes, pinched-in cheeks, tottering sleepily into the cubicle. You wait for a cubicle to be free, and from inside you hear what can only be this girl making sure her nose is REALLY clear. What other people want to put in their bodies is their own business, sure. But too many people are using and playing, which is 1.plain stupid and 2.puts the organisers and your fellow party goers in a VERY difficult position, should you take a bad one and choke on your own vomit in the dungeon. The “its only a bit of sniff” crowd dont want to hear that you are NOT in control of your faculties, you are NOT in a position to say if someone is going too far with you, and you are NOT an extreme player, you’re just a fucking idiot. Clubs should come down harder on this, because its being noticed by new people and those who would travel to Manchester, and its putting a lot of people off the Manchester scene all together.

6. WORKSHOPS. Where is our peer rope workshop? Where are our demos? Where do we go to learn from others without interfering in their play? Sort it out, people.

7. A MARKET. I would trace the decline in our local scene back to when the old Manchester Fetish Fair got knocked on the head by our glorious leaders in t’council. But there are so many local authorities in Greater Mancunia, surely one of them doesn’t care about a fetish market? London has LAM, Birmingham has the BBB, we have – well, nothing. Its a very poor showing for a city that some people claim is a capital of kink.

Someone should at least try to get a market going. It might help with point 6 a great deal too…

8. A PROPER BDSM VENUE. I don’t mind swinging clubs, some of them I really like. (; But we still have to move the venue around to accomodate us, rather than it being made to suit us from the beginning. Heck, even some vanilla venues can be easier to convert to kinky purposes than a swinging club.

I’m not including the Manchester Dungeon because while its very well equipped, sorry Julia, its really not suitable for holding events.

9. A SEPARATION OF ONLINE AND REAL LIFE. Let me say this, just to be very clear. No one is the same in real life as they are online. Got that? Yes? Well let me make sure. No one is the same in real life as they are online. IC is the main BDSM website for our fair isle, and since d’management are from this part of the world, it has become especially important to the Manchester scene. Unfortunately thats not always a good thing. One of the reasons we are so divided is the obsession of some people with what happens online. I have seen long, bitter, deeply personal arguments dissolve within minutes of the 2 parties actually MEETING each other. As in face to face, for real, no keyboards.

The kinky internet is, like munches, just a tool, a means to an end which is meeting others. BDSM is about what you do with other people. Don’t let what happens online stop you from doing that. If you feel strongly enough about it that you are not taking part in the local scene, I can almost guarantee you that you are taking it too seriously.

10. MORE CLUBS. For our size, Manchester is poorly served by clubs. It still amazes me to think that for a while, Lash was pretty much the only place to go. We have the Kage now, which is turning into my favorite night of the month, and the Kinky Lounge looks very promising. But other areas can boast a kinky club every saturday night, and thats got to be worth trying for.

Have I missed anything? I fracking hope not, because thats a shitload to work on….